How To Change Your Spouse

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10 Steps to Changing Your Spouse For Good

If only my spouse would change, life would be perfect. I know I have my issues but… if my spouse would change… ahhhhh….. marital bliss. Here are 10 things you can do this week to get your spouse to change

  1. Let them think you’re putting them first: This is a HUGE principle and the key to getting them to change. This makes them think that life is all about them. Ideally, husband and wife both put the other first. But the only aspect you can control is you. Make it your goal this week to out-serve your spouse. I know, I know, this seems like I’m asking you to change. Don’t change anything on the inside. You’re just making them think they’re first.
  2. Have fun together:Movies, walks, picnics, games, trips etc. Not just fun but hilarity. Laughing together is great relationship medicine. Do something silly together just to have fun! Quit being so serious all the time. Remember when you were dating? Do some of those fun things again!
  3. Build “together time” into your schedule: Schedule intentional time together today! Want to really get crazy with this? Schedule the time and buy tickets for something you know THEY will enjoy. Guys that means you’re watching a chick-flick and eating fru-fru food with stuff dipped in chocolate. Girls, you’re going to the baseball game as soon as the monster truck rally is over. Shhhh….I guarantee you this will make them think you actually like them and they hold high priority in your life.
  4. Don’t sweat the small stuff: When you feel a problem coming on, ask this question, “Is this a moral issue?” If not – and nine times out of ten the issue in question is not, then let it go. Seriously, let it go. Pretty soon they’ll think about how insignificant the problem is and actually stop sweating it too. Remind your spouse of what really counts. Simplify your lifestyle and celebrate what you have. Can you imagine if they actually believe you’re thankful? That will REALLY throw them for a loop. No way they can resist changing if you’re not sweating.
  5. Give back, and do it together: Serve in your church together; hook up with a group that helps the less fortunate or restores the environment. Throw yourselves into charitable causes, together, and watch things fall into perspective. Can you imagine your spouse giving back? First, you’re telling them that life is all about them and, next thing you know, you have them giving to others. They’re so gullible!
  6. Communicate clearly and respectfully: Misunderstandings are responsible for a lot of tension. Always keep your spouse in the loop and always communicate with love and good manners. Have you ever heard the saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Wrong, wrong, wrong! That just leads to clamming up and bad communication. Instead, I say, “If you don’t have something nice to say, FIND SOMETHING NICE TO SAY…AND SAY IT!” What will they think about you then? Want proof? Go to Ephesians 4:29.
  7. Tell the truth: The saying goes like this – when you tell the truth you don’t have to remember what you said the last time. People who don’t keep secrets experience less stress in relationships. Here’s some good advice… Before speaking, ask yourself, “Is it true, is it kind, and is it necessary?” If all three of these are true, let it out. If not, do #6.
  8. Hold hands; hug; make out!Physical contact is a proven stress reliever. Squeeze onto the same chair to watch TV – just hang all over one-another. Reach out and take your spouse’s hand while walking, driving, or at an event. Be deliberate about demonstrating affection via physical contact. Your kids are going to think you’re gross if you do this inappropriately. Have a private make out strategy but make sure your kids see you holding hands, hugging, back rubs, and a “pat on that cute butt” is okay as well. Even if its not cute and has flattened out with old age, pat it anyway.
  9. Play to your strengths – and your spouse’s: Effective teachers use students’ strengths to overcome weakness – it simply works better than focusing on the negative. Pay attention to your spouse’s strengths – build up, affirm, encourage. Criticism always leads to bad relationships. When was the last time you heard someone say, “You know why I love that person so much? They always tell me how wrong, stupid, insignificant, and irresponsible I am. Yeah, that’s why I’m so happy.” What is your spouse good at? Use your strengths to build up your spouse this week. Once again, they’ll think that life is all about them and you’ll have them right where you want them.
  10. Live within your means: Money problems are the leading cause of problems in American marriages. This may take some work but this is a sure fired way to get them to change. Imagine if you actually DON’T buy something you DON’T need this week? Remember #4 (Don’t sweat the small stuff)? It turns out most of the stuff we get into debt over is not worth the problems this will cause in your marriage. Oh no! This is the dreaded “B” word. Budget…there, I said it and it felt good. Budgets don’t limit you, they free you!

Okay, there are 10 ways of getting your spouse to change once and for all. Don’t like it? How’s your plan working?

The “C” Section…Keeping the C in YMCA by Mike DeGuzman

Mike DeGuzman is a certified biblical counselor, YMCA board member, and pastor of Community Bible Church of Ocala.

Mike can be reached at (352) 680-0056 or by email: For more information go to